What a fucking waste of an outfit
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
