I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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