he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
