I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
