Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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