bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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