Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
