According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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