But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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