I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
