I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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