remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
