I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize