Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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