This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
