you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
