No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
