I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
