woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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