doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
