She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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