Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
