Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
