I showed him my bush... on skype.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't turn off my feet"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
