btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize