On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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