He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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