Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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