No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
