just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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