The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
