dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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