Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
