Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
