I just saw a hot homeless man
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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