i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
