I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
