TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
