If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
