Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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