I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
