My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
