My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
