Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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