I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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