One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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