Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
