did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
