Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
