I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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