So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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