last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
