Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
