just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
