just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize