I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
