I feel like I'm in dance class right now
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
