She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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