I wish my penis had an off switch
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize