apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize