Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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