My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The air was thick with penises
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
