Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
