I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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