Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
