everyone is single if you try hard enough
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
