If i come over, it means nothing
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
