I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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