It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
