he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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