The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
