My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize