"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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