Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
