Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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