I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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