Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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