I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
